My Journey!

4 years ago I gave birth to my first child. Cayden was such a blessing in my life, but I gained about 50 pounds in my pregnancy due to toxemia and no matter how hard I tried I just couldn't take the weight off. I started having other health problems as well so I went to see a docter and after many blood tests and ultrasounds I was diagnosed with PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome) and Insulin Resistance (the precurser to type 2 diabetes.) This disease not only makes it almost imposible to loose weight but will also cause unwanted hair growth, mood swings, and infertility among other things. Before my pregnancy I never felt very confident with my self. I was only a size 6, but all my friends in high school and college had been a size 2. When you have to wear a short little cheer skirt next to these perfect girls you don't feel like you look very good. Looking back now I realize how silly I was. I was healthy, fit, and in good shape and I should have felt good about myself, I wish I had. I guess it wouldn't have mattered if I was a size 2 as well, I still would have found something I didn't like about myself. I guess what I am saying is it doesn't matter how closely you reach the worlds perception of perfection. You will never be happy, if you do not truly discover for yourself the true beauty within. I could have never found this within myself if I hadn't been through the past 3 years. If I hadn't have come to the point where I felt horrible about myself, I never would have begun this journey. I never would have felt the healing and enabeling power of the atonement, and Gods love for me as I have now. I am working everyday so that someday I can truly say that I no longer care what the world thinks of me. I do not want to allow society or others to effect the way I feel about myself. It is a contant battle. I have to remember that what matters now is how my Father in Heaven feels about me. Our true beauty as women is that we are daughters of God, he loves us, I know he does. We are never more beautiful than when we are reflecting his love. I know we have all heard this or something like it a thousand times, so why don't we believe it? I mean really believe. If we believed this it wouldn't matter what size we were or what others thought of our body. We would want to be healthy and strong but only for the reason of taking care of this body that God has given us. Not so we can fit into a certain size, or look as good as our neighbors/sisters/ or friends. If we truly believed this we wouldn't have to have designer clothes and expensive jewelry. Our focus would no longer be on ourselves but on others. I didn't get it. I thought I did, but I didn't truly get it until I earnestly pleaded and sought for help from my Heavenly Father, and even now I struggle with it at times. I would like to share my journey with you. I am hoping that by sharing my experiances I will be able to help even just one person. Maybe it will be my daughter or my niece someday who reads this. I know this for sure. It is not just fat women who feel bad about themselves. Skinny, Rich, Overweight, Beautiful and Plain, we all feel the pressure to be beautiful and thin. We all struggle with our self worth. I want women to know they are not alone. I want women to truly see the beauty within themselves. I want my daughter to grow up not caring what the World thinks of her but what Her Father in Heaven thinks of her. I would love if women would comment and let me know how they feel about this subject. Hopefully we can all feel a litte bit less lonely, knowing others have the same struggles that we do, and hopefully we can all be inspired to realize our true power, potential, and beauty as daughters of God.